What They Aren't Allowed to Do
by Fire.Rose.Black
Summary: What rules to the titans and villians have to abide by? Find out inside! Chapter One: 101 Things Robin Is Not Allwoed to Do. Request your fav. character!
1. Robin

Disclaimer: I own nothing, absolutely nothing! Thanks to Mystery1205 for beta-ing!

Also, this will be a series-ish so if you have anyone you want to see, just tell me in a review and I'll dedicate the chapter to you!

EDIT: Thanks to paprika90 for reminding me about the list rule so I could change stuff before my ass got frozen by the FF people.

**Robin sat down. He had gotten a marvelous idea. The members of his team had gotten slightly lax about rules lately and the government was complaining. So he had declared a project. Each member had to write down 100 and 1 things they weren't allowed to do, a mix of ideas they were planning and things they had already done, with negative results. **

101 Things Robin Is Not Allowed To Do:

1. I am not allowed to put on my Slade suit and scare the shit out of my team members

2. I am not allowed to ask Cyborg to show me where his off-switch is and then press it.

3. I am not allowed to put cameras in Starfire's panty drawer and claim paranoia as my excuse.

4. Ditto for the bathrooms and Raven's panty drawer

5. I am not allowed to tell Raven the number of a good physiatrist

6. I can't ask fangirls if they want to get laid by a superhero and then give them Wildebeest.

7. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that it is an earth custom to take of all your clothes and perform a dance involving a pole on Tuesdays. (Or any other day, for that matter)

8. I shouldn't ask Red X in the middle of a fight how he deals with the wedgie problem I had with that suit.

9. I can't jump Starfire on her way to the shower and tell her I was trying to ambush an assassin.

10. I can't ask Beast Boy whether it's Green being Easy as the last time I did this, Raven slapped me. Hmm…

11. I am not allowed to tip over Terra's statue simply because my ADD sometimes takes over.

12. I am not allowed to tell BB that he is a Beast, as it offends him.

13. I'm not allowed to tell Raven that because of the whole Trigon ordeal I must examine her and then "examine" her in a violating way.

14. I am not allowed to ask Starfire if she can hook me up with her sister as it saddens her immensly.

15. I mustn't laugh when Slade tells me that his lair is filled with gears and nuts as he doesn't mean it that way.

16. I shouldn't sell the villains as ice sculptures, no matter how much profit it makes.

17. I can't tell Starfire that she looks like an overgrown powerpuff girl as it makes her cry.

18. I can't put Cyborg on mute, no matter how entertaining it is to watch him try to get people's attention.

19. I'm not allowed to laugh whenever Slade tries to reveal his master plan.

20. I must not scream "PEDOPHILE!" every time I see Brother Blood

21. I'm not allowed to tell Beast Boy that he needs tighter spandex, no matter how much I want to.

22. I can't tell Cyborg that I need his memory drive to look up porn. Especially in Raven's hearing.

23. I am not allowed to ask Beast Boy if he tastes like chicken.

24. I can't ask teen boys for a joint as I'm supposed to be setting a good example for potheads like them.

25. I can't tell everyone that they to save themselves form the newest super villain they must dedicate a shrine to me and give me lots of virgin offerings.

25. I may not prove to people that I really am a MAN Wonder now (especially in public places)

26. I am not allowed to wire Cyborg to play classical music all the time because it puts him in a bad temper

27. I can't use Beast Boy's tuborkle for anything other than its intended use, no matter how hot and bothered I am.

28. I'm not allowed to pull out pictures of Starfire from when she grew horns and ask her if she's still horny.

29. I can't put Cardiac in the middle of an elementary school just because he said it was his birthday

30. I can't tell Kid Wykked that he is a total Batman wannabe, even if it's true.

31. I can't yell "The British are coming! The British are coming!" whenever I see Argent, as she is neither British nor coming.

32. I mustn't tell Starfire that another meaning of the word Robin is Sexy and ask her to call me by it.

33. I shouldn't put on red contacts and then take off my mask to the world because it scares them senseless.

34. I can't tell Slade that our obsessions with each other could lead to a much better pastime then fighting...in the hearing of my friends.

35. I can't dye Raven's cloaks grey and then scream "Dementor!" every time she comes nearby.

36. And if for some reason I have done that, I cannot follow it up by saying that I've been sentenced to the Kiss.

37. I shouldn't tell Bumble Bee that her buns are cute except when I mean the ones on her head.

38. I can't tell Beast Boy that turning into a dragon named Malchior will get Raven into bed with him as it cuases chaos in the Tower.

39. Publishing the sordid details of Raven and Terra's love affair is not a good way to make friends(or keep them)

40. I am not allowed to stalk Slade as he can press charges if I violate the restraining order

41. I can't pretend that I don't understand people's calls for help simply because they refuse to give me blow jobs. It unethical.

42. I'm no longer allowed to reprogram Cyborg to speak in Swedish, no matter how hilarious it is to listen to him yodel.

43. I cannot tell Starfire to TROQatize me, Captain, as (a) its offensive and (b) she doesn't get it anyway.

44. I'm not allowed to off the True Master and claim the title for myself

45. I can't use Control Freak's remote to switch myself into Star's body so that I can fondle myself.

46. I'm not allowed to scream like a girl whenever Raven has a bad hair day as she might just make it so my voice never comes back down. Ack.

47. No matter how many times they call me bird boy, I must resist the urge to tweet and remember that I cannot fly so I mustn't jump of buildings.

48. I am not allowed to use my birdarangs to cut through girls bra straps

49. I must never say "Fuck you" to Slade as sometimes he takes it literally and that's supposed to be a secret.

50. I'm not allowed to ask Cyborg how he managed to get a 'high score' with Beast Boy while the game station is at the repair shop as it cuases him to turn red and stammer.

51. I can't tell the townspeople that I won't protect them anymore unless they rename the town Robin Town

52. I must not give in when Starfire does the puppy pout, because through all that I know that those weird Tameranian mating rituals _hurt_!

53. I cannot give Beast Boy a snail and say that I thought he wanted a gastropod, not a moped.

54. I'm not allowed to scream "LIES!" whenever Raven opens her mouth to speak.

55. I may not murder someone and say that the voices in my head said it was for the common good. Furthermore, I may not claim that these voices sound Suspiciously like Raven and Kid Wykked.

56. Patting Raven on the head and call her a cute wittle bunny wabbit is not appreciated by her, so I must stop. Also unappreciated are any Playboy Bunny references.

57. I must only look at Starfire's eyes when she is talking. No where else.

58. I may only think with the head on my neck, not the one in my pants.

59. I may not make a necklace out of used condoms and give it to Starfire as a gift of my undying love.

60. I must refrain from giggling whenever Cyborg says he has tooil his 'wing-nuts"

62. Beast Boy and Cyborg are not together, so they do not appreciate the puppet movies I make of them and post online.

63. Raven does notsee the humor in myyelling "It's the plague!" when ever I see her,soI must stop.

64. I have been required by law to stop telling people to elect me president, as it frightens politicians.

65. I may not go up to random people and ask if they want to see how good I am with my staff.

66. I am not allowed to ask Raven if she is grey everywhere.

67. People do not need to strip in order to be rescued, so I must stop making them do so.

68. I cannot ask Doctor Light if he will give me a 'check-up' because that is sick and wrong.

69. Same goes for Professor Chang and oral exams.

70. I must refrain from singing "Oh, if I was a baby Bumble Bee" when ever Bumble Bee enters room.

71. I must refrain from singing "I'm in love with a stripper" whenever anyone walks into a room, no matter how great my libido.

72. I may not ask Cyborg exactly what parts of him are robotic.

73. I may not slap Cyborg on the butt and proclaim "Buns of steel!" as it is sexual harassment.

74. I may not ask Raven if she is wearing anything under her leotard.

75. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that she is peanut butter and looks good spread over a cracker as this greatly confuses her.

76. I am not allowed to use a tit-twister as one of my preferred attacks.

77. I may not ask Madame Rogue if she can become a giant penis.

78. For that matter, I cannot tell the Brian that he looks like a giant penis.

79. I also must not ask General Immortus if his balls are immortal as well.

80. I can't tell Jinx that she should sleep with me instead because I go slower than Kid Flash, aswhen I do this she hexes me.

81. Clothing is not optional when fighting crime, even though it invigorating and an effective way to confuse opponents.

82. I may not ask Kid Flash to flash me, seeing as he is just a kid.

83. I may not ask Starfire if she stuffs her braas it greatly offends her.

84. I may not answer "Bite me" whenever a villain challenges me.

85. I cannot reply "God is watching" to everything people say.

86. I should not tell Speedy and Kid Flash that they should have a race as they are not amused by the play on their names.

87. I may not ask Mas y Menos if their names are talking about particular parts of their anatomy that are more and less.

88. I can't ask people to call me Dick, even if it is my name.

89. Slade isn't amused when I call him Cy for Cyclops because then he thinks I am cheating on him, so I must stop.

90. I may not tell my friends that I am going to the true master again and then hide in my closest so that when they try to steal my clothes they wet themselves.

91. I cannot go around telling people that my hair isn't the only thing I have that can be gelled as it puts them off their food.

92. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that the way to un-hypnotize Beast boy is to have sex with me, as even she knows that can't be right.

93. I may not tell Mad Mod that he is very Mod because it makes him Mad.

94. I cannot set up a booty call between Soto and Cinderblock as it causes earthquakes.

95. When I see a super hero looking upset it is not tactful to walk up and tell them to suck it up, we all angst way too much.

96. It is extremely rude to put Silkie in Ravens bed as they do not like each other in that way, contrary to popular belief.

97. I may not exploit my Larry's powers by having him ake me king of the world with everyone else as my sex slaves.

98. Even though Raven does have four eyes when she is angry, it is impolite to ask the hypothetic question of if she had glasses, would they double too?

99. Inserting camera's inside Starfire's shirts is a violation of her privacy. According to her agreement, I may only to that to her skirts.

100. I am not allowed to try to impose the "personal bubble" philosophy at the tower as it makes everyone else smite me down.

101. Even though I am the only member of the team without super powers, that does not give me the right to claim that in all fairness they should be my bitches.

**Robin set down his pencil and looked over his list. Maybe he had gotten a little carried away…**


	2. Raven

Thanks SOOO much for all your LOVELY comments. You all feed my (extremely obese) ego!

I wish I could thank each and everyone of you personally, but I really want to post this ASAP (please keep your sarcastic comments about months of waiting to a minimum) Later I will go through and credit everyone who contributed ideas and asked for Raven, etc. And I'll get this beta'd.

Until then, this is what I got. Feel free to flame me, but you should know that I'll just use it to get a tan…if I could tan that is!

-

"**You want us to do what now?" Cyborg asked, mouth hanging open in shock. Raven pulled up her hood. This was so not happening…**

"**I want you all to write a list of 101 things you are no longer allowed to do, or things you will never be allowed to do." Robin repeated. "The government's really been complaining about our activities lately. I've already done mine and it's helped a lot."**

"**Please Sexy, I am not sure what you mean. Surely all our activities are good as we are the side of goodness, correct?" Starfire asked.**

"**Well, sort of. Anyway, the government says we have to and besides, we can post them in the bathrooms when we all finish and it'll be funny. Just do it. Oh yeah and it helps if you get really drunk, or high, or laid or something first." At this point Raven walked off toward her room. If she was going to do this, she might as well start now…**

I am not allowed to draw two extra red eyes on my forehead. Even though it is hilarious to see Beast Boy wet himself.

Bringing a gun into a fight with dangerous criminals isn't playing fair.

Pink is not Robin's color, so I may not dye all his uniforms hot pink.

Cyborg does not enjoy being graffiti-ed.

I may not make a Silkie effigy and burn it in front of Starfire.

Drawing the mark of Scathe over my body is not a good April Fools joke.

I'm not allowed to tell the team that the other prophecy surrounding me says that all my friends must have a mass orgy with me.

Just because I'm not a morning person doesn't mean I'm allowed to make it so that morning never comes again.

Screaming my joy of all things preppy annoys my fans.

I may love the musical Phantom of the Opera but singing it at the top of my lungs in the shower apparently doesn't "fly" with Beast Boy or Cyborg.

Starfire is not snorting anything, so I may not insinuate that she is.

I am not actually allowed to send Mas y Menos to an alternate dimension where they are slow.

Quoting Dr. Suess at villains after Robin delivers one of his patented one-liners is undermining his authority.

I am not allowed to use the joke "Three monkeys were in a bathtub. One asked the other to pass the soap and the second replied 'radio!'" then crack up just to see who I can get to laugh out of peer pressure.

Sending Cyborg back to the past is not an option.

Using my powers to remove people's clothes is a violation of privacy.

I may not tell Beast Boy to back off, Terra is mine.

I am not allowed to point out that I could beat all the villains without their help as it causes friction.

I am not allowed to sing "I'm Coming Out" whenever Robin tries to talk.

Even in response to his shouting "LIES!" when I try to speak.

I'm not allowed to send Beast Boy nightmare's of Tofu eating him.

Nobody wants a sugar high Raven, so I must break my Cotton Candy addiction.

I am not allowed to control people to live out my sick fantasies

I am not allowed to scream "Stuffing!" every time I see Starfire. (A/N: I know I've used a Stuffing!Star joke before but…what the hell. They amuse me.)

Impersonating various villains on the internet is not appreciated by the general public.

Calling Trigon "Daddy" scares him.

I am not allowed to call myself a 'huggie-bunny'. Ever. No matter how much they pay me.

Teaching Beast Boy the alphabet is a fruitless quest, as he can never get past the letter "F"

Tap Dancing on pianos is out of character.

Lollipops are lollipops. I may not believe they symbolize anything else.

I am not allowed to look at the compromising pictures of Terra more than once a day.

Shrieking "Robbi-poo!" upsets Starfire, so I must stop. Immediately.

Happiness is no reason to kill people.

I really need to stop walking around in just a leotard and a cloak as it upsets the general public. But I don't think I really care…

Making Slade's abandoned mask move 'on its own' is not a nice thing to do to Robin.

Booby-trapping the toilet to suck people in is not funny. Well, it is, but only to me.

Terra does not appreciate it when I ask her to rock my body, as she hates puns.

Doing a strip tease is not a good way to catch villains, for it doesn't just distract them but the rest of the world as well.

I may not tell Speedy that he needs to get his own personality aside from Robins.

I also may not blab the fact that, contrary to popular belief, Speedy bottoms and Aqualad tops. Ohh, the things I learn, being a physic.

I shouldn't tell Jericho that he'd look good in drag, even though it's true.

Starfire does not appreciate it when I give Robin pity sex (would that be pity pussy?)

I may not "accidentally" walk in on Beast Boy in the shower. Or Robin. Or Starfire. Or Cyborg. Or…you get the picture.

I especially can't do this if it involves picking the bathroom door lock.

I can't wear my "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" shirt when we're fighting Billy Numerous.

If I do happen to do this, I can't tell Beast Boy that it's for his own good.

Giving guys boners with my powers is just not acceptable

Using my powers to bind people to their beds is kinky, but Robin's a prude so no more.

I have been asked to shouting "LOLLICON!" Whenever Starfire tries to say anything.

I can't let Malchior out of his book just because I'm horny.

Shouting "West is the beast!" At Titans East is rude.

I am not allowed to reply to anything that Slade says by telling him that he certainly didn't say that last night.

Especially if it's just to make Robin cry.

I can't mistake Argent's name for the phrase "Are a Gent."

I am not allowed to ask Red X just what the spot is that his X is marking.

I must not throw Beats Boy off the roof

I must not take advantage of Robin's undying attraction to me by making him do my dirty work. Such as throwing Beast Boy off the roof.

I am not allowed to buy myself a BB gun. It's a misnomer anyway. I've tried it and it doesn't actually shoot Beast Boy any better than it shoots Robin.

I'm not allowed to shout "Suckers!" at Cyborg and Robin simply because they can't fly.

I must not perform a victory dance every time I do anything in battle.

Especially if said victory dance incorporates a lot of hip thrusting and ass shaking.

Replying in 1337 to everything anyone says is simply lame.

I must not replace Robin's hair gel with pink hair dye.

Cyborg does not appreciate it when I repeatedly asking him if he likes techno music.

I am not allowed to replace Star's skirts with hot pants.

I cannot trick Beats Boy into eating meat, as that is cruel.

I am not allowed to impersonate Robin just because his clothes fit me the best.

I can't pretend to be scared of bugs to get out of fighting Killer Moth, even if I do want to go sex Terra.

I must resist making reference to this being number 69. Dammit!

Snickering and saying "Pfft! Yeah right!" when the Brotherhood of Evil reveals it's master plan.

They also do not appreciate me changing all of their signs to say "Brotherhood of EBIL!"

When Robin shouts "We'll stop you!" after some villain, I must resist the urge to say "Or at least post embarrassing photos of you no the internet!"

When someone tells me to go to Hell, I should resist the ruge to tell them my Dad's Satan, and then proceed to prove it.

I'm not allowed to use OMGNOTTHEREALONE!Terra as an extra-terra-estrial.

I should also attempt to never make such a bad joke again.

When Robin tells us he has a plan, I must resist the impulse to tell him birth control was already invented.

I must not laugh and yell "PWNED!" every time anyone insults my team members. Instead I must put on my righteous "grrr" face.

I can't feed Timid Raven to Angry Raven just because she pisses me off.

I can't make portals into other people's minds and then proceed to ransack their personalities.

I should really stop stuffing people into the waffle iron.

I can't ask Val-Yor if his real name is Voy-Yor. As in Voyeur. Hah.

Assigning everyone on our team names of different characters from Artemis Fowl is not appreciated.

When Robin shouts "Titans, go!" I should go instead of holding him helpless with my powers and saying "Make me, Superhero-wannabe."

I can't die in a puddle of lust whenever Blackfire sets foot on earth.

Rock, paper, scissors is not a good way to decide who should risk their life next.

Particularly if I cheat and change everyone else's hands.

I am not allowed to quit the Titans and become a schoolgirl just to be MemoryLoss! Terra

Just because Robin calls that monster "The Thing" does not mean I can call it "The Penis"

Sending self-help books to Thunder of Thunder and Lightning fame is not regarded as sensitive.

Asking Starfire what powers activate when she's horny is just not cool.

Cyborg doesn't like it when I have steamy sex in his T-car.

Even though I know that he secretly watches the tape.

I'm not allowed to point out how unorganized that supposed 'Control Freak" really is.

I am not allowed to rip off Robin's mask in front of reporters just for kicks.

Austin Power's impersonations do not go over well at poetry slams.

I can't go through and change all of the tower settings so that whenever Starfire changes clothes a spotlight is trained on her.

Sending people's undergarments to other dimensions is more than just some harmless fun.

Particularly if I do it to the whole city.

Asking Brother Blood if he's a monk is apparently a stupid question.

It frustrates Robin when I pretend to only understand yes-or-no questions in battle.

I'm not allowed to use my time-stopping powers to sex people is slightly unethical.

Doesn't change anything though.

**Raven smiled as she read over her last words. Now, she just needed to steal Robin's paper and find out what he'd written…**

**Two Minutes Later**

"**ROBIN!!!!"**

-

Until next time, you goons :-P

Love and kisses!

Rose (Who you know you want to fawn over endlessly, right?)


End file.
